Going through this grief didn't come to me in just a few days. I know, had I not suffered, I would never be able to sympathize. I believe that once we come through some of this, we can turn and help hold others hands as they go through their grief. Do I miss my son? Yes! But I can see his freedom from pain and the wheelchair as a plus for him.
Looking back now, Lord,
I understand some of the reason
for what happened to me,
when You called my son, that season!
Back then I thought that I would die,
I could not understand,
how You would let this happen,
I could not comprehend.
I thought I was being punished,
though, I knew not what for.
Pick any of my failings,
of that I was so sure!
How can a Parent, lose their child?
I know You knew just why,
I prayed that You would let me know
in a near-by future time!
As time passed You let me see,
how it blessed my son.
In our case, he plainly suffered,
phantom pain would not be done!
I know the time he stayed here,
he suffered and was bound.
no longer bound up here on Earth,
in Heaven is where he's found!
I thought I really loved my son,
and wanted to have him here.
though I really love him,
You loved him more, that's clear!
Had You not taken him home,
phantom pain he still would bear.
YOUR love far surpassed mine,
You healed him over There!
I know how hard it is to have,
a child to live in so much pain.
I know it would have been best,
had he never hurt, that's plain!
I know I prayed so very hard,
to keep him here on Earth,
I could barely take it,
when in Heaven, he was birthed!
Yet I knew you saw my heart,
and how selfish was my pain!
Yet still, You healed him completely,
when You called for him again!
You tucked me under Your wing,
and helped me come to see,
he is not unhappy,
for, from pain, he is set free!
I know there were many lessons,
for all of us to learn.
You're not being mean to us,
you gave him life I can discern!
Had it still been left to me,
my mother's heart did hurt.
and selfishly I'd have kept him,
close to me, right here on Earth!
Now I'm glad You know what's best,
though I may not understand.
When I hurt from loss of any kind
You're there to take my hand!
I know you know what it feels like,
to lose a precious Son!
I know You have compassion,
for each and everyone!
If we can come to trust You,
and know You see ahead,
we can rest in peace and joy
and lean on You instead!
Thank You for Your patience,
to put up with my grief,
and all the rants and raves,
I know, that hindered my belief!
Give us, Lord a vision,
of how our Child is free.
and someday in Your presence,
our child again we will see!
Peggy Jeanine Woody